you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
