he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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