i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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