i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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