the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
