Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
