I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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