No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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