FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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