Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
