3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm too high and old for this...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
