period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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