he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
