party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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