I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
