He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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