Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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