Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
