How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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