Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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