Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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