I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
