Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
