dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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