thus making me awesome and them whores
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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