Don't make out with my wife yet
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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