Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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