how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
