awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
