The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
