What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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