Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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