plz talk dirty to me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
