Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
do nipples grow back?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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