Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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