i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
