I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
