Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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