no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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