You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
