yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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