Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
