i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize