his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I supernannyed him into submission
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
