I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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