Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
