Your tits are I can't wait for
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
