I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
