flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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