why didn't you poke me back
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia