We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.