..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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