So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.