Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!