oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.