You're my little dorito
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We left the knife in your bed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
