last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
