I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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