I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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