No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
