Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
