a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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