Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
