I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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