I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
