Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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