apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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