3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize