I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
