You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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