Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
