im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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