hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
