I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
