so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
