fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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