And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I AM VODKA MAN
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
