I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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