How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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