I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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