I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The adults are the big ones right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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