you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
