somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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