you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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