fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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