Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
