yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
